


Let the Spectrum In

by anotherdirtycomputer



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Genderfluid Nico di Angelo, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Nico has a crush, Trans Will Solace, mild transphobia from nicos sister and mom mentioned, they arent together yet, trans clarisse la rue mentioned, will binding safely what a smart boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 05:42:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10757898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherdirtycomputer/pseuds/anotherdirtycomputer
Summary: Nico di Angelo has a hard time accepting himself. Luckily, he's crushing on the right guy.





	Let the Spectrum In

**Author's Note:**

> title from florence + the machine because im weak. for my genderfluid boyfriend, who is the nico to my will. love you angel. originally posted on my tumblr at demiboypercyjackson

Nico has always felt different. He remembers very distinctly believing as a child that he had been born a girl. His mother always corrected him, Bianca always corrected him, saying _"no, no, you're a boy'_ " but no matter what they told him, he had been entirely convinced that he was born a girl.

Nico doesn’t tell anyone that; not the Seven, not Reyna, not Hazel. it’s an odd memory, something that separates himself from them, something that he doesn’t care to share with another living being. 

And, secretly... there are times, still, that Nico believes he may be a girl. It's such a heavy feeling, something that cannot be escaped. He remembers Bianca’s look of confusion, her tired words of, “ _Why are you so_ strange?” and pushes it down again. It cannot be escaped, but he runs from it. He must run from it.

-

Nico is a gay man. He is certain of that fact, has been certain for a long time, and it takes a cruel arrow to truly dig it home. He does not want this. not today of all days. Percy Jackson is _gone_  and Nico is so bitter about it that he disgusts even himself. Percy Jackson is in mortal danger, risking himself once again for the sake of others, and all Nico can think is that Annabeth got Percy in Tartarus, and Nico had no one. To make matters worse, from the moment he woke up, he had dreams of being young again in Italy, twirling in one of Bianca’s skirts while she was away. He wonders when he’ll start being normal; when he’ll stop being like _this_.

He doesn’t tell Jason about the skirt. But he tells him about liking men. Not because he wanted to. Nothing ever happens to Nico because he wants it to.

-

Fast forward to after the battle against Gaea and things are happening to Nico because he wants them to. And he hates it. Will Solace, who will slice you open as quickly as stitch you together, who can carry Nico over his head easier than anything but cries when he gets a paper-cut, who smiles at Nico and means it, who laughs sharp and sadistic at Nico’s snarky remarks, who is secretly a hermit and not at all the perfect ball of sunshine Nico thought he might be…. Will Solace is happening to Nico di Angelo.

Nico is torn. He likes Will. Will is funny and a bit rude and surprisingly talented for all he says against himself. Will makes those skeletal butterflies run amok throughout Nico’s system. But even when Nico does think maybe, maybe he could have a chance with Will… it comes back. The _girl_  feelings.

He doesn't want to date a boy when he’s like this. It seems unfair, almost, not to Nico, but to other people. So even though he can tell Will is flirting with him, that boy is so obvious what is _wrong with you every one can see you_ , Nico can’t reciprocate. For as much as he wants to, this thing keeps holding him back.

-

And then, suddenly, things get turned around. Nico is waiting outside will’s cabin, here to walk with him to the infirmary because he promised that he’d volunteer today, there’s only three Apollo kids left (the rest are, tragically, dead) so the infirmary is severely understaffed. And then it happens. Will walks outside and Will has… 

“You have something on your chest.” Nico says rather foolishly.

And will _laughs,_  as if this is completely normal for him. _“_ Yeah,” he says “that’s my chest. Iv'e been kind of sore, so I figured I’d just go sports bra instead of binder today.” He laughs again, curse him. “Once I'm wearing my scrubs they wont be as noticeable, but I prefer to change into them in the infirmary to keep them clean.”

So they walk to the infirmary, Nico absolutely numb. He doesn't know what to say. Why is will’s chest… _like_ that? He isn't sure how to ask. Maybe Will is like him - born one way, sometimes a... a different way. He wants to ask Will but something much worse than butterflies clogs his throat, his stomach, his mind. 

Luckily, Will seems to understand. “So, you seemed pretty shocked,” He is trying to keep his voice nonchalant and is very much failing to do so. “Did you… not know?”

Nico shakes his head. 

“Oh… I mean, I wear the flag all the time, so I kind of assumed… maybe that was wrong of me.” Will stares at Nico, slowing their pace down to a speed that will certainly make Austin sigh at their lateness. He stops then, suddenly, and his eyes are wide when Nico meets them. “Oh, good lord, Nico!” He grabs his own face with his hands. “You didn't know! You’re from, like, a billion years ago! Oh, sweet Jesus, Nico, do you even know what transgender _means_?”

Nico coughs. “I've never heard that word in my life.”

Will just about screams into his own hands. “I am so ridiculous!” he yells and the butterflies are back. Nico isn't sure how to tell them they aren't welcome. He’s not sure he wants to. Will is surprisingly adorable when he gets like this… his emotions seem so strange and exaggerated, but Nico knows he’s being honest. It's…. _cute_. “I am! I am a ridiculous man!” He’s shaking his head, pulling Nico by the hand suddenly to the Big House. “I cannot believe no one showed you the awesome trans video me and Clarisse made.” Nico struggles to keep up with Will’s pace now that he’s touching him. “It’s supposed to be shown with orientation, but we probably made it a little while after you showed up. And then you weren't here for so long…” He keeps going on like this, talking about things Nico doesn't really understand

But in Nico’s good fortune, they make it to the Big House quickly so Will can sit him down to watch the video.

And it opens Nico’s eyes to so much

“You mean that's normal?” He asks Will excitedly, making Will’s eyes go wide as saucer plates. “You mean I'm not just… a sexual deviant?”

 _“HA!”_   Will covers his mouth quickly. Hearing that had shocked a laugh out of him, but there wasn’t any kind of humor in his face. “No, I mean… I wouldn't know about that part,” Here, he does giggle, and it touches his eyes, scrunches them in that adorable way that Nico just hates. “But, I mean… the stuff in the video? No, that doesn't make you a sexual deviant.”

Nico exhales, feels like he’s been punched in the gut. “I thought there was something _wrong_  with me!” Nico laughs. “There still might be!”

Will snorts, replies, “I doubt that very much. So.. what are you thinking? Are you a girl? Maybe nonbinary?”

Nico shakes his head, exhilarated. “No, no, what’s the… the one where it changes?”

“Oh!” Will gasps, smiling. “Genderfluid! What are you now, do you think? Would you like me to call you something different?”

But Nico is already shaking his head. “No, I'm a boy today. But sometimes… very rarely, I get… feelings. G _irl_  feelings. I ignore them but…”

Nico is surprised to look up and see Will’s face so soft. “You don’t have to ignore them anymore, Nico. You’re safe here, I mean, look at me!” and he gestures to his chest. “Where in the world can a guy like me feel safe going out like this _knowing_ that everyone will respect me as a man?” He shakes his head, as if in wonder. “People will embrace this Nico, I promise you. If you embrace it, then so Will they. And believe me, it hurts to run from this.”

Nico knows that well. “Will you…” he starts. He swallows hard, clenches his teeth. The words are hard to get out of his throat, but a single whisper escapes. “Will you help me?”

Will grins, and Nico thinks distantly that a smile like that could replace all of the stars in the sky easily. “I would even if you didn’t want me to.”

Nico laughs, a sound that surprises even himself. “Good,” he sighs, good humor coloring the still bitter tone. “Because I  _don’t_.”

But he thinks maybe it will all be okay anyways. If Will says it will be then... he believes him. And  _not_ just because of skeletal butterflies.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are a writer's best friends!


End file.
